I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize