Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We are all done wearing pants today
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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