Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
