whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
