one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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