you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
