this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
