frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
