Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
