His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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