3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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