we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
