my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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