I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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