i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Randomize
