I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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