The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
