it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
