Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
