Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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