well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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