her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
