All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
