update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
