You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
