I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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