apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize