i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You need Xanax blowdarts
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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