Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
