the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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