i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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