My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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