y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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