Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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