Can Purell be used as lube?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
