I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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