I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize