I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
