In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just sent this text using only my big toe
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Drunk is not a location!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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