She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
