proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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