SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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