I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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