no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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