just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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