Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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