I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
