She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
