I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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