am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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