i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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