When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
