NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
