Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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