who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
