I heard we made out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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