The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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