I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
