That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
